Friday, October 15, 2010

wishful thinking

Does my Cf define me? I'd like to say no but in all honesty yes its a big part of my life. As much as I wish you could just have me...Jessica you also get my disease. We go hand in hand. When I was younger I was lucky enough not to be known as sick Jessica just Jessica and that made life alot easier I got to let people know about my disease after they got to me.
Sometimes I let myself imagine who I'd be without this disease and where would I be...but that is just wishful thinking. No matter how long I spend day dreaming of a different life ill always come back to my Cf. I'm okay with my disease it isn't something I would choose for anyone I love or even someone I dislike. I think I got it for a reason; a friend once told me because I was strong enough to handle it. I'm not sure I agree I don't fell strong enough but I know the people who surround me make me strong. I'm a wishful thinker in many ways...maybe that's a blessing or a curse you can decide. I'm laying in bed listening to my feeding machine hum along to the silence of the night it is soothing In an odd way...the comforting sound puts me to sleep and lets me continue on to sweet dreams
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Sunday, October 3, 2010

this Jessica...

I knew along time ago I couldn't live a normal life. But I pretended. See I'm a great pretender. But why am I trying to be something I'm not? The other Jessica isn't as great. At least I don't think so...and my opinion is the only one that matters. This Jessica loves movies...swinging on the swings with her bestie Mattie...loves to cuddle with my babies and sing in the car with her "sister" Brandy. Loves mobbing in her oldest brothers hummer (hi Joe Joe) and watching her Mom dance in the kitchen while making dinner. This Jessica loves being the only girl (other then Betsy) who gets her Daddys attention and nothing is better then Daddys hugs. And this Jessica has a brother that is beyond what she deserves but he gratiously loves her unconditionally. Its easy to become someone your not when the grass looks greener on the other side.This Jessica is differant then most others but its the one thing I think most people appreciate about Jessica. I know its what I appreciate about Jessica. So here is my promise to my invisable friends and my family...I promise you that from now on all you will get is the real Jessica no matter what and no matter who comes into my life. Sorry for the spelling and grammar errors I do the best work from my phone
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