kinda personal

im ging to write something that many will not like but it is my opinion.

Cf and Death.

How your child handles Cf will be a big part of how you handle CF.

and i believe the same goes with Death.

let me tell you a story. I was diagnosed with Cystic fibrosis when i was 10. That was 10 years of my life that didnt have an "experation" date. Then 1 day that changed. My parents did an amazing job of not changing my life in any way other then the necessary treatment and appoitments. But when i was old engough to realize what the outcome of my disease was there was mixed feelings.

1st. why the hell didn't anyone tell me?!

2nd. not me.

My parents always taught me i wasnt the statistic. i was different.

So i live my life planning and hopeing for the future keeping that "number" in my head but not letting it consume my world... even though there are days when that "number" gets the best of me emotionaly i still continue my day to day life.

So i ask.. how can you raise a child and tell her tick tock? isn't that what we, as CF patients don't need to be reminded.

Then, to put yourself out there publicly and say things that honestly don't need to be said?! why? My heart hurts for this young lady who needs a support system to tell her she is strong and has a lot of living to do and she isn't a statistic, not a mother watching her clock tick tock.

Should i give up,

Or should i just keep chasing pavements?
Even if it leads nowhere,
Or would it be a waste?
Even If i knew my place should i leave it there?
Should i give up,
Or should i just keep chasing pavements?
Even if it leads nowhere

 - Adele

Thats a verse from a beautiful song called chasing pavements by Adele

for some reason that song speaks to me.

Do you give up? Do you keep trying even though you know it might lead you in the same place in the end.

beats me...i don't know if you keep chasing pavement or not.

Well another round of Iv's.

geesh im starting to forget what it feels like to be off iv's

it feels so normal now.

Started off 4th with a BANG!

let me set the story up...every time my parents leave town to get away something always happens.

Before my parents left to have a nice weekend getaway in Vegas {yay red rock} my brother and i assured my mother that she didn't need to go to the grocery store and we were very capable of getting bread and milk and other little things for the weekend.

Aaron got off work early, very unusual for a Friday but hey i wasn't going to complain. So Matthew Aaron and I head out to do our errands, go to the grocery store and then get some pizza come home and relax.

Well, as were on our way...having a great conversation. Aaron is Driving and Matthew is riding passenger and i in the back seat as normal..were cruising to our destination and Matt see's a truck that looks like it's going to run its stop sign...and then right their Aaron slams on the breaks and we hit this truck and we do a 180 spin around and hit a little embankment. I think we totaled the truck and did one hell of a number on the kids truck.

Thankfully we all walked away with nothing other then some shook up nerves and a little soreness.

He ran the stop sign.

19 years old and has only had his licence for 3 months.

poor pappy...we totaled his truck. {i think}