home is where the heart is

watching you leave is the hardest thing I go through...its not the constant poking and prodding or the lack of constant sleep. When you come I enjoy the company but its having that piece of home with me is what makes me feel complete. I miss you instantly when you walk away...some days its easier to sit by myself then to have to watch you walk away. this life isn't fair and it makes no sense how one thing doesn't always add up but we learn to roll with the punches and we learn to be a family miles apart. The distance is hard but once we all come together its like a musical in a movie, everything is in sync and perfect. I miss you more then you know and I know if you could stay you would, but I wouldn't let you...this isn't where you belong; its where I call home but its not where my heart is.

update

it seems like most my time is spent on 2 west, I had my longest stretch without ivs(almost 4 months) and it was nice to be home and get in a normal pattern, but it never lasts long and I found myself back on 2 west after Christmas. Im just glad this year I made it through Christmas at home. Now im back into hospital life and finding it hard to adjust, I just wish i wasn't stuck between 2 worlds..hospital and real world. So far this stay has been one of the easiest medicine wise but hard emotionally. I wasn't mentally prepared to be admitted so quickly and miss my family holiday party, but health comes first. I hope whoever reads this nonsense has a happy and healthy 2019