i love

this boy.

he has brown eyes that are big and beautiful

A smile that melts my heart

and a laugh that makes me smile from ear to ear

He loves to cuddle with me and tells me he loves me every time i see him

He probably gives the best hugs and kisses any girl could want

He maybe 4 but he has my heart

I love you TT

5 years

"Im sure the view from heaven
beats the hell out of mine here
and if we all believe in heaven,
maybe we'll make it through one more year
down here" - yellow card

5 years ago today Maggie Marie Mackey lost her life to Cystic Fibrosis.

The same damn thing im fighting every single day.

Maggie was a dear friend of mine and ever since she has past i havn't been the same. I think part of me went with her in a weird way. I never knew anyone who died from CF. When she died i realized it was possible that at any time that could be me, because of her everyone i love knows how much i love them, i don't hold back and not say that one little thing i wanted to say.

Maggie, im sure your having one hell of a time. some times some days i dont know if there really is a heaven. Thats my own issues but i know in my heart where ever you are your having fun smiling and breathing easy. 5 years ago today i lost my friend but heaven got an angel.

Should i stay, or should i go?

A song by the Clash.

Im sure you know the song.

Well i stayed and he left.

Matthew left.

Im not sure if he "walked" away is a good way of describing it.

He walked away and never looked back and honestly i never grabbed for his arm

begging him to stay. Maybe thats what he wanted from me. who know's.

but ill tell you the things i do know

1. surprisingly we were both very mature

2. he asked for his ring back and i did in fact give it back

3. Im fine, i had about 2 hours of cryng

4. I do in some ways miss him

5. I didnt push him away he left willingly

6. It probably was for the best

So im officially a single lady (do you know that song?)

and its kinda weird for me but im trying to embrace it as much as i can

I have amazing friends and family who have been texting me or calling just to

make sure i'm fine.

So there is no wedding in sight for me. Poor Momma she is going to miss being on weddingbee...her ultimate favorite blog...other then mine of course.

so its tonight i inform you all of my life changing love altering news.

If anything changes ill keep you up to date.