Dear Matthew

Dear Matthew
Your working hard tonight like almost every night; and well I'm working hard on going to bed. Do you remember one of our first dates and I told you that I was sick and couldn't promise to grow old with you? You grabbed my hand and told me you wanted to spend "our" days together taking care of me. Remember? I bet you never thought it would be like this did you? Me either. One of our first fights I told you to leave now it would be easier on both of us and you stood there and told me you would never leave me. I lied and so did you...I said I wanted you to leave...I never meant it. And well you left years later. I cried and cried and I tried to hate you for leaving and honestly it was easy for a little...but I never was able to move past the good times and accept we were over. I still remembered our first vacation to Solvang and our first holidays and the time spent in hospitals for doctors or port accessing or even those few hospital stays. I use to tell you that you were my sunshine my only sunshine and that was so true cause when you were gone I was at my darkest days. You came back and sometimes I ask myself why...but everyday I'm thankful for you coming back to me and loving me at times when I'm unlovable. I will spend everyday thankful that I have you...hand in hand we will always walk and no matter you will forever be my sunshine. Forever and a day

Bring you back to life

Do you ever have moments where your doing something and your mind drifts off and you realize these are the moments that you'll remember forever and these are the moments that when your at your worst will bring you back to life?

I'm in bed tonight with a killer headache that makes me think what did I do to deserve this pain. I feel our newest addition sleeping at my bed...and as much as I enjoy bossy or Bosco right now I know when he grows up to be a full grown mastiff weighing probably close to 200lbs I might regret letting him call my bed his bed; but for now I enjoy the late cuddles when he's cold and I believe nothing is a better start to a day then puppy kisses.

Back to my original thought...those moments what are they for you? For me they are simple but I hold them close to my heart I think about the car rides and the conversations. The tears and hugs and I think about special occasions. I have my dark moments you know that I have never been shy about those moments but trust me I have moments that are the best moments. Seeing my baby Jax for the first time on the ultra sound...made me cry. Knowing moments like those are what my life is made of is nothing short of amazing in my eyes. Im going to try to be better about sharing those moments with you all

Friday night fun

Nights like tonight tell me two thing one i'm truly a unique soul and it's not necessarily what your doing but who your with. I spent most the night putting together Jax's room with my cousin and her fiance my brother and Matthew. As I'm sitting on his floor cleaning some icky gooey mess it dawns on me...even in my worst moments it's nights like this I will treasure and hold close to my heart. Being with my family is the best nothing beats them and then when you add on preparing for Jax's arrival nothing in this world is better and I challenge anyone to tell me they had a better Friday night. It's not your typical Friday night but nothing beats the love of a family. Especially on a Friday night.