I'm laying in bed trying to sleep. That seems to be how I spend my nights. Laying in bed listening to the oxygen machine hum and the faint sound of the radio in the background. I try to close my eyes but then a coughing fit jolts me and sends me in a frenzy trying to catch my breath while trying not to throw up the large amounts of mucus that's spewing from my lungs coming out of my mouth. The tears streaming down my face as I try to tell myself that I'm okay. Take a breath and focus on lungs working pushing and pulling air into my weak and frail body.
I lay awake trying to tell myself I can sleep. The night terrors aren't going to happen tonight. It's not common for them to happen day after day so tonight should be the night I have good dreams with good thoughts.
I look at the clock and realize it's 3:03am. I got into bed at 1030 and tv turned off at 1am. It's been over 2 hours and I'm still awake. I wish my body and mind knew that tomorrow I had plans to leave the house before 4 in the afternoon, that Matt doesn't like when I sleep all day even though that's the time my body finally gives up and shuts down. It's like a fail safe switch that happens; it's my body saying okay enough, you will sleep now since we have kept you up all night with coughing and gaging and leg cramps and pain. So we will ruin your whole day and start again tomorrow night when you try to go to bed at a decent time.
So as I'm awake laying in bed trying to figure out why the hair always sticks to the soap and why conditioner is always the first to go but I ponder the big questions in life like why I never can find 2 matching socks especially if I'm in a hurry. I hope you all sleep well and get some rest. If you need me you know where I'll be. Contemplating the questions of the world and listening to everyone snore.
