I have noticed something Cf slowly stole from me, my laugh. when others have theses amazing laughs I can't help but feel jealous when someone busts out a full belly laugh...it sounds so amazing to my ears. I have noticed I just slightly chuckle quietly not to disturb my lungs because any cystic will tell you when you laugh like a true laugh it turns into a coughing fit. A coughing fit that makes it hard to. breathe so those laughs come few and far between. Its amazing the things cf takes away and some come so quickly and some seem to take longer but cf is awful and it makes me sad to know its been so long since someone has heard me laugh. I was being evaluated for a lung transplant but was told I was to healthy so I got discharged from there full time care and only see them every 6 months, I was hesitant to even start the process. I felt like I didn't deserve to have a second chance that there were others who deserved to have more time and experience more love and support. see I have lived a full and happy life and if I died tomorrow I wouldn't doubt the love I experienced is enough to last me a life time and understand I have lived a full life. I started to think of the opportunities I would be able to experience and I started to think maybe I was deserving of a more time on this earth. I still believe I have time and transplant is in my future but down the line like maybe a few years if I'm lucky. I wanted to travel. I wanted to hike and work out in the gym. Swim without the fear of drowning but mostly I wanted to hear my laugh again. So someday when I get the chance to laugh like a true belly laugh it will bring me so much joy.you dont realize the little things cf steals from you.
