Peace love and hello kitty

I think in life we all want the basic things happiness love and companionship. This is just my opinion and even though I think myself at times am insightful believe it or not there are others who disagree. Madness, I know. Haha

I find myself happiest when im surrounded by others especially when they are happy. I enjoy the small talk and the mindless chatter about anything. I enjoy others. But I do enjoy my alone time...just not at night. In the night the depression takes my hand and it pulls me deep into the dark.

I see this disease drive others to do great things in there life, they take the negativity and darkness of CF and turn it into something beautiful. Hope.

With good comes bad we all know how this world works

I miss my friend Megan terribly. I also miss Brandy and my babies they moved and left me behind :( I cry for them constantly and I'm finding it difficult to let them go and not miss them to the point it hurts. My tt started first grade and I won't be there, it breaks my heart. I miss them.

Tonight is one of those nights; my stomach hurts my body aches I can't find a position where my lungs arent in pain and to put it quite frankly im just fed up. The numbing head ache doesn't help my mood.

I'm waiting for my moment where I finally find the purpose of my existence. Sounds heavy huh? I feel like I'm floating by in life not making waves or not even being noticed. I struggle seeing what others have accomplished in comparison to me.

It's a struggle to stay healthy let alone find my purpose and accomplish whatever that is. Give a girl a break. Geesh

I know I have been Mia for a long time my apologizes but really I have so much to share it can just be hard to separate good things from bad right now they just all feel like a blur all entwined into one mess.

Good news is coming tho I promise and thank you for sticking around and show me some love I always love the love from others also throw in some good vibes they never hurt anyone

Peace love and hello kitty
Jess

fight for your right to be "normal"

I'm an odd person having CF in the first place puts you off to a bad start in the "normal" category. There are times when I can be very independent and self sufficient and times when I'm needy and just plain useless. I can be everything I hate; rude short disrespectful and down right mean. I literally can be anything I choose to be. (thanks dad you were right) I struggle at times to be true to me and when Cf grabs hold of me I fight back. But there are times when it wins the battle but not the war.

My battles are constant damn near never ending. If it's not one thing it's another, but to many of my warriors out there this is nothing new to us it simply is the normal in our crazy mixed up lives.

We fight for the most basic instinct; to live. While others just waste away in life we fight to exist

Normal? Who wants to be normal when you can fight and give 'em hell.

walking twoards a better day

I wrote this a week ago

Days like today make me grateful. Grateful for the air in my lungs the ability to put one foot in front of the other and walk. Walk towards better times leaving the emotional "funk" behind. Eating lunch with my girls gabbing about nonsense but at the same time a moment I will never forget. A real chance at happiness for myself and for others who aren't here with me physically but emotionally.

I see so clearly today when god takes a life he gives life. I don't feel like everything he does is just and has cause but maybe today I understand how this whole thing works. I find comfort In being able to see my baby "cousin" someday grow, but for now I watch baby bean take form and get life and that makes me happy. Makes me feel complete.