Happy birthday!!!

Happy birthday Megan

Well I imagine your party is amazing. Who made your birthday cake? Did they pull ALL those candles on the cake? Lol I bet you picked plates with lots of pink. Well because pink is so you! I don't know what presents you will get in heaven...shoot you might not need presents if heaven is as great as they say. I wish for a moment I could see you in heaven and see what you see and feel what you feel.

Your mom misses you so very much it's obvious. I hope you are with her always she needs you. I couldn't imagine the feeling that come with loosing your daughter and your the only person who could comfort her.

I dreamt of you not to long ago...you with pink hair dancing and having fun. It made me happy.

I hope I find the strength you possessed cause you are one tough cookie. You never seemed to stop fighting and I don't know how you did it. I'm tired Megan and I haven't done/experience 1/2 the things you went through with your CF. I could use your uplifting view that always made me feel better about the situation. Megan my heart hurts for your family and friends mourning the loss of anyone is hard but when you loose someone like you, who truly was special and kind and beautiful inside and out is almost impossible to heal. But we love you and know what you would want is for us to find comfort in your Lord Jesus Christ.
Someday Megan just for you.

My normal life

I'm full of mucus. It comes out in amounts that are frightening and it never seems to happen at the right time usually in the middle of a sentence I get that cough with projectile mucus that will take no mercy on your clothes, car or purse my mucus has no boundaries. It comes and attacks poor innocent people. It's like it feels the presence of fearful people and attacks. If it wasn't enough to spew mucus like a monster the cough is a whole other story. I make elderly people run in the opposite direction. The stares are my personal favorite. Nothing feels better then the over the shoulder stare as I'm grasping for breathe. Humanity at its best everyone. It never gets old. But fear not my friends I find it sad that stares and forceful smiles are what I attract but in reality all I'm trying to do is live my life as normal as possible and sadly all of the above is normal to me. Goodnight all xoxox

Gibber jabber and mourning

I always talk about the moments when my disease takes a back seat and for an hour or maybe two I feel normal. Those hours or even moments keep me sane.

Sometimes I feel that I come off weak. But really I'm just real. I'm honest with you about my emotions and the hard things I struggle with. I'm real because no matter what happens this disease is real and no matter how weak I get at times I thankfully always find my feet and get back to standing my ground.

Having a bad weekend doesn't effect just me but everyone. Waiting on pins and needles to see if today was better then yesterday but we hope not worse then tomorrow. I hate that part but it's real. The emotions are real the fear is real. It all is real.

Sometimes I find myself dazing off into thought about the simplicity of what life would be like to be CF free. I wonder tho if I knew what it was like would I miss it more?

Let me stop on my ramblings for a moment and let me say my peace about a tragedy that has accrued in my home town. We lost an amazing man 27 years old and he passed away suddenly of a ruptured aorta. His name was Jeremy and even tho him and I were never close it breaks my heart to see a family mourning such a huge loss. The community has come together and wrapped everyone in love and it's beautiful. So beautiful it makes me proud. I can't speak on a religious note saying god needed him or whatever you say. I just know its sad to see someone as loved as Jeremy to pass but it really reminds us of how important it is to love the ones in your life and tell them. I can't speak on behalf of Jeremy but I bet he's proud of how everyone has come together in this time. It says a lot about Jeremy and the legacy and love he leaves behind.


"Many a smiling face hides a mourning heart; but grief alone teaches us what we are." -Friedrich Von Schiller

Peace love and hello kitty.
Xoxox