In September...

There will be a day when all you have is pictures and memories left. I hope those are enough for you. For your whole life...I'm lucky I will leave and take my greatest moments with me. But time will pass and you will create new memories and gather new pictures. I hope our pictures and memories won't fade to the background and become a blur to you.
You are the greatest love of my life and ill always have that love for you regardless if its here on earth or flying in the sky above. Great love is great love no matter where you are.
I'm lucky we have a love like ours. In September we will officially become one. A day I never thought would happen and it's happening because of you. Because of us.
that day ill be standing between the two most important men in my life. Each one holds a special place in my heart but from that moment forward I become a wife. Ill always be a daughter for all my life; but not everyone can be a wife.
In September I will be married to my best friend.

Heart and head

I haven't written in a while and I have no reason why other then I just have nothing to say. I feel distant to everything lately just feeling like there is a space between my heart and my head. I'm feeling off lately just off like no one understands me or my thoughts or even the thought I'm trying to convey in a conversation I feel like the world is spinning and I'm standing still.
I see so much around me people changing and growing up and drifting away but I'm still here waiting as life passes me by. I see moments where I'm invisible and I wonder will they notice when one day I'm not standing in the spot "they" left me in.
Life keeps moving on no matter how hard I try to slowdown. The harder I push the harder they pull.
I'll be okay I always am. If I have learned one thing; I'm alot stronger then I look.

Forgive me

I go back and forth about posting certain things on my blog. This is one of those posts I write then delete. It's really honest. I just hope it's not to much emotion.

Take me back to the days when everything we did we did together. You and I grew up perfectly. You the older brother and me the proud baby sister. I adored you from the beginning and you could care less. We grew up ;we became your typical brother and sister. Bickering laughing teasing. Riding bikes playing soccer together.
I realize now looking back things all changed when I was diagnosed with cf. maybe because you felt like you had a different sister who had new needs. I still looked up to you for strength and support more then ever after that news.
Now 15 years after being diagnosed I see how you went from my big brother to my protector not because you wanted to but because that's what you had to do. Still to this day that responsibility is thrown on you. I'm sorry for the stress that causes you. I'm sorry for the strain it puts on your relationships. It's not your burden to carry. I will make a better effort of not letting my health effect you and your life. You deserve to have that stress and burden lifted off of you and I'm sorry for all these years leaning on you when I should of been standing on my own two feet.
I hope you forgive me for everything and one day truly understand the love and admiration I have for you not only as a human being but most importantly my big brother .