Brother & Sister

I believe God knew what he was doing when he put Aaron on this earth before me. He saw what this child was capable of and saw the man he was going to be. So when I came into his life I was paired with him because everything he is exactly who I needed to have around me and influence me. Having cf and having a sibling is challenging as many parents will tell you. But this brother of mine was built to handle it all. The attention that was often shifted from him to me in a blink of a second. Brothers are your best friend that god picked for you. And with my Aaron he knew what I needed. Someone strong and kind. Thoughtful but tough. So many times I think of a world where we aren't together and it breaks my heart. I don't remember a time where I didn't have him. There were times when he was my safety blanket and my comfort. To know my brother is to love him. He is someone you see in a room and your drawn to him and his personality and witty remarks. Having loved my brother all my life is a privilege but knowing he loves me is unexplainable. I see the man he is and he makes me proud. I tell him that often and I'm sure he gets tired of hearing it, but I speak the truth. When I read of little George passing my first thought was of my brother. How my life would never be the same without him. So as any loving sister would do I texted him and told him I loved him. His response "yaya" in perfect form that is my brother expressing his love. 

I think of little George and the brother he must of been. I imagine he was just like my Aaron. And maybe I'm like Christina, who had a love for her brother that was strong and unbreakable. Now I think of one without the other I feel incomplete. To not have my brother beside me is painful and just writing this my eyes swell with tears because I know how much it's going to hurt to miss him. But I hurt for the pain he will feel when I'm gone. He will no longer be a brother. Just as parents who lost not one child but two will never have a full heart as each of there children took a piece of there heart with them to heaven. But together brother and sister will meet again and be reunited with the best friend God made especially for them. 

I want you to know about little George and Christina. Both fought hard against cf. Living the life that comes with this disease is no easy task as I'm sure many of you already know. Christina was waiting for her 3rd set of lungs when she bravely moved up to heaven breathing freely and feeling no pain. She left behind a husband and parents and of course her beloved brother little George. He had gotten ill very quickly and was evaluate for a lung transplant and received it in the nick of time. Sadly the lungs weren't a match and failed very quickly. As this is all happening. Mr. & Mrs. Gabeheart are burying Christina and morning the loss of a beautiful soul who was deeply loved by all. Meanwhile little George received a second transplant and many obstacles that complicated things from the first set of lungs to the second, little George joined his baby sister in heaven. A beautiful reunion that so many found comfort that they were together again. This family is unbelievably strong but they need your help. As anyone who knows anything about transplants there are a lot of fees and expenses that you are responsible for. So please do 2 things. Pray for there strength and for peace for many days and years to come for this amazing family. Also please help them by making a donation, they have so much to deal with that the financial burden shouldn't be something that they need to worry about. Any amount helps. I will be donating because everyone on my friends list is someone I know and love. I hope that if this was someone writing to you asking to help my parents that you would honor them in giving anything financially and giving them some good thoughts and prayers. 

http://www.gofundme.com/dnqf8s

please take the time to pass this on, it means the world to me and so many others.

A work in progress

The day I became terminally I'll is still a day I remember. I have an odd memory and seem to remember many things. But this is vivid. Sitting with my parents in our living room and having then tell me things were going to change. I had things I had to do daily now. If only I knew the storm that was coming. I remember not being phased but in hindsight that's probably best. It took one doctor 2 sweat tests and 2 defective genes to make me terminally Ill and flip my family's world upside down. Just lil ol me is responsible for so much damage and I didn't even do anything, I was born with it. Damage can't be undone just like words can't be unspoken. You learn to cope and make adjustments but since that day life hasn't been the same and neither have any of us. We accept our new reality with bitterness and resentment. (maybe not everyone just me) after bitterness and resentment came denial and anger followed by acceptance and understanding. I was 10. These emotions and feelings are way beyond what I was capable of but I managed to get by. 

  You learn to accept that this is your life now. You are different but not in the way the other kids see you but in the eyes of the doctors who look at you and see so many who came before you and had no chance, but you could be different right?

Learning to do things you don't want to so you can live is a reality check and even at 27 I still am learning how to master that skill. Poorly at times but I'm a work in progress. 

I remember the days before treatments and pills hospitals and ivs. I wish I appreciated it more now that I'm looking back. I had 10 years to be normal just like everyone else but I guess I was just born to be different. We're all born but it's up to us to find our purpose and I haven't found mine yet but I'm still looking. I just hope I fafill whatever it is. To be a disappointment would be a disappointment to myself. 

Growing older with cf means your cf grows too. Pills and treatments ivs and shots surgeries and tests. They follow you like a trail of misfortune. One after the other each one becoming part of a life you believe to be normal. After awhile you forget what normal is and even what normal looks like. So many times iv stared at myself in the mirror looking over my face and body and I don't see the same person I saw when I was 18 or even 21. I see this person who looks like me but has been through so much pain and hurt. I see the darkness around my eyes like a reminder of the nights I couldn't sleep and I see the so much of the person I should of been, the person I could have been if I wasn't ill. I don't know how to be anything but sick, that's what my life has been made up of for so long that I don't know how to function on a day to day basis. Perhaps I thrive on iv schedules and antibiotics. As the poison flow through my veins I find my purpose and my life line into who iam. Who will I be when my cure comes? Maybe I'll be able be the florist I always wanted to be or perhaps I'll just live life like I have never lived before and when I look in the mirror I hope I still see the struggle I went through but it's just a reminder of how far I have come and where I'm going. 

Beautiful souls gone to soon

There are people put on this planet that are truly beautiful souls. Their smile is infectious and their love for life is contagious. They are the kind of people you find yourself drawn to. Knowing them and loving them make you a better person. 

Having people like this in your circle  of friends is life altering. The love that they project is empowering and even if your relationship is only one that's online. 

Having cf and having friends online is really as good as it gets. But you develop such a deep and strong bond. But nothing compares you for the loss of these remarkable souls. 

But when it rains it pours. Because not one beautiful soul has returned home but 2 great woman. Both married woman who left behind devoted husbands who are devastated to have lost the love of there lives to such an ugly disease. 

Mothers lost there precious daughters who they spent so much time loving and protecting. 

Dads lost there precious baby girls. 

But what kills me is brothers lost there baby sisters. Having an older brother myself it hits my heart hard. My brother was/is my first best friend,my first protector. When something happens I want him to know. I want to tell him about my 

crazy days and tell him my bad jokes. I think when you loose your sibling especially when your close you will never be the same and I don't want that for anyone but especially my brother. 

When so many people pass because of cf you never get use to it. You never become numb to the feeling of death. In fact I think you become more acceptable to the pain and hurt.

Sometimes I just don't want to know anyone else. I don't want new friends and I don't wanna get attached to others because when they leave it hurts and I sometimes wonder if someone can reach a point where they can't handle anymore hurt. 

So to sweet Christina. No one lived life the way you did. You lived it to the fullest. It is obvious you are loved and will be missed but mostly I think you changed so many lives. You loved life and life loved you back. 

Dearest Heather, even though we only met one time on accident. I felt a connection you. Going to the same clinic and having the same doctors. But the more I got to know you the more I respected you for your faith and uplifting attitude. 

So sweet cysters you lived beautiful and full lives and will never be forgotten your legacy will be one that lives forever in so many hearts. Breathe easy 

  xoxo