A warriors death is what I strive for. Something leaving everyone in awe of the courage and strength you have. Having that moment where people stare and take their breath away at the way you handled your life and celebrate you for not what you could have been but the bad ass you are. And the way you walked away from a disease that’s taken many great warriors like you. Making transplant look like a fairy tale story knowing good and well there were so many ups and downs that you sometimes struggled to hold on the roller coaster that comes with a transplant. All while keeping people looking on wondering how she does it. A warrior never lets on to the pains and struggles inside, the fights you battle silently and the tears you shed when no one is around. The life you could of had is a dream that occurs nightly and feels more like a nightmare. Waking up with your fists balled ready to fight in a moments notice. Gritting your teeth so much you wake up with headaches but nothing is as painful as that dream that replays night after night. I wasn’t made to be a warrior I was born a warrior and when you had the chance to shine you showed the world what you were deep down. A warrior. A warriors death is for me.
Sunday, October 24, 2021
so thankful
Dear God,
Thank you. I never thought i would be so grateful for you but you continue to amaze me and bless me in so many ways. You saved my life when you didn’t have to and ill forever be grateful to you and my donor family and i pray every day they have peace knowing they helped someone continue there life and become more then a person bed ridden with disease and depression. I have bloomed into a real person, I know that sounds dramatic but i have real life problems now and I’m forever so blessed to experience a second chance at life.
what I’m really thanking you for is saving my brother and Krystal. The accident they were in could have easily taken them away but instead you watched over them and they walked away. They walked away from a horrific crash and i know i have you to thank. If you would have taken then from me, we wouldn’t be friends and i would never let you off the hook for taking my best friends but you are a kind god, a merciful god and saved them. I’m forever in your debt. See loosing them means i would loose so much of my heart I don’t think i could survive with so much of my heart in heaven. So again you saved me. Maybe you knew that those 2 souls were destined for great things and there love would leave a ginormous place in so many hearts but whatever and why I’m grateful for you kind heart towards my family that terrible night. A million thanks and also i wont forgot, i promise
Friday, September 3, 2021
happy day to my big brother
Happy birthday Aaron
Today you are 36, 36 years of being you. Strangely unique and confident. Kind and big hearted and strong willed and the best protector and strong family leader. I’m so proud of you everyday the way you love others and are kind to all you meet. I never met anyone who didn’t instantly love you and adore you. It’s your burden to be the popular one and the reliable one.
Going through transplant made us closer. Mostly cause I let you boss me around but it’s all out of love. The way you look at me with those devilish sweet eyes showing so much love and concern for me. Together we made it through the hardest of times and still to this day 19 months later you are still my biggest supporter and cheerleader. I did a lot of what I went through for you. I couldn’t imagine not having you around to annoy me. Make me laugh and protect me. You always were so concerned and listened and did everything the doctors wanted and kept me accountable and still do to this very day. I don’t know when you grew to become this protector or me or the family but it sits well with you and looks good on you.
I know sometimes the weight of it all is heavy on your shoulders. But you handle it like a bad ass. I’m so proud of you chubs and here’s to another year of you being the bad ass, the pirate and straight gangster of the family.
You are the wind beneath my wings and give me so much strength I feel like together we could concur some crazy shit….oh wait we already did.
