i lost

i lost a long time ago the ability to eat enough calories to keep my body healthy. I know its quite normal having cystic fibrosis but just saying that doesn't make it easier to live with. Knowing that a machine is doing such a simple job that i have lost the ability to do for myself is in some way demeaning. Knowing that with out that stupid machine clicking and clicking i probably wouldn't be where I'am at today. Losing that ability i also gained something; knowing when i need to put the pride and the anger for something i cant possibly change aside and do what's best for me. Thats all for tonight, i have to go hook up to the stupid machine and test my sugar, lets think low numbers. goodnight