first dry run

I had my first dry run Nov. 10th, it was a whirlwind of emotions and sadly the night ended with me leaving the hospital without shiny new lungs but I'm thankful for the experience because 1. it was a great learning lesson. 2. one call means another call could be coming shortly. 3. I realized how much I truly want this. You see I had doubts about transplant. I was and still am scared for the whole experience but leaving with my original lungs made me sad and disappointed to come back to living with oxygen, I let myself imagine a life free of the leash of an oxygen cannula. Even though using oxygen has only been full time for about 2 months its 2 months too long for me. Don't get me wrong I manage and am fortunate enough to have portable oxygen for traveling but the image of me being free set my heart of fire and it was a desire I didn't know I wanted until I got the call. The call was so nonchalant; Is this Jessica Benson? yes, well good news we have lungs for you. No way. yes. are you for real?? yes this is real. Holy Shit. Yes Holy shit is right. I then got some information and then thats when the emotion and madness set in. first of was telling my family who thankfully were all at home and in one place. As moms crying I'm like I got the calll lets go!! after a short break to take a shower and throw some clothes in bag we took the longest drive down to san Diego ever. Felt like the longest ride but really with Dads driving we made great time. Once at the hospital I was put in my normal floor (yay 2 west) and I was lucky enough to get a double room blocked off for me so Matthew had a bed to sleep in while we waited. from 7-4am we waited with a few doctors coming in occasionally to update and sign consent forms. Lots of blood work too. I managed to sleep for a few hours after my best friend made the drive down to visit and braid my hair. AT 4 something they said the lungs were not viable for surgery and I was able to go home. Just like that my new chance at a new and improved life was gone. Im thankful though that the surgeon has my best interest and thankfully I'm not in a position where I need to take lungs that are less then perfect. My perfect set of lungs will come and it will all be alright. Man what a night. Id like to give a shout out to my Mom and Dad who paced anxiously for hours. My Brother and Krystal who brought snacks and blankets and Dinner and waited with us for every moment. Matthew who slept but was there every time someone opened the door, My mother in law Zena who sat in the room with Matthew and I and watched us sleep and made sure the blanket never fell off me while I napped. Brandy who dropped everything and drove down to visit. I received so much love and prayers that I don't think I could be any more loved. I'am one lucky girl.
 Goodnight my friends