Friday, October 15, 2010

wishful thinking

Does my Cf define me? I'd like to say no but in all honesty yes its a big part of my life. As much as I wish you could just have me...Jessica you also get my disease. We go hand in hand. When I was younger I was lucky enough not to be known as sick Jessica just Jessica and that made life alot easier I got to let people know about my disease after they got to me.
Sometimes I let myself imagine who I'd be without this disease and where would I be...but that is just wishful thinking. No matter how long I spend day dreaming of a different life ill always come back to my Cf. I'm okay with my disease it isn't something I would choose for anyone I love or even someone I dislike. I think I got it for a reason; a friend once told me because I was strong enough to handle it. I'm not sure I agree I don't fell strong enough but I know the people who surround me make me strong. I'm a wishful thinker in many ways...maybe that's a blessing or a curse you can decide. I'm laying in bed listening to my feeding machine hum along to the silence of the night it is soothing In an odd way...the comforting sound puts me to sleep and lets me continue on to sweet dreams
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