Thursday, December 17, 2009

Another ones breathes easy.
It hard to see another one get there wings.
My heart goes out to his family and I ask you say a prayer for them
My heart aches tonight.
How long can we fight?

Monday, December 14, 2009


Hi mattie!
I'm workin on a special post for you! Be prepared a blast from the past. See ya wendesday night blogger friends xoxo

Saturday, December 12, 2009

Old days

Remember when life was easy?

You biggest worry was who was going to sit next to you at lunch.

If the teacher was going to make you sit by the smelly kid in class.

If you brought enough money to get chocolate milk with you lunch.

I'm not saying I want those Days back but knowing what I know now I would do things differently.

I have peter pan syndrom I don't wanna grow up. I blame that on cf. Now if I could fly we would be in business. I enjoy the simple pleasures in life.

Well goodnight it's sweet vanilla dreams for me xoxo

Please pray for a dear friend who is waiting for test results and could use some good thoughts her way

Sunday, December 6, 2009

Oh also

Hi mom haha (she is the only one who reads my blog)

She's my biggest fan
:::wispers biggest fan:::

Haha <3 you mother you are amazing in case you didn't know

To long

I'm well just got off I'vs I hope everyone is well! This year is almost over and time flys bye! I'm sorry for the lack of updates sadly nothing great to report but I still read up on my fibros and cysters (if been dying to use that phrase it's so cute) Is it me of did we loose some amazing cfers this year? Please keep there familys in your thoughts this holiday season. Breathe easy

With love and hugs
Jess xoxo

Monday, October 12, 2009

you never leave me alone

Oh CF, how i wish you would leave me alone. Please just give me some space. You are with me every moment of the day and honestly i think i would be a lot happier if you left me alone.

When i eat you insist on joining me even though we both know you are not welcome; but like a fool i just let you invade my space.

Then there are those morning when honestly all i wanna do is nothing. but there you are making things hard unless i sit down and pay you some attention. About an hour is what you be very happy if it was only 10min. but like a fool i just do what you ask

My biggest issue is when i breathe there isn't any reason for you to add that little wheeze or a rattle just so i know your there. i mean its not necessary. Cant a girl just breath with out you trying to acknowledge your presence.

Trust me everyone around here knows that you and i are a pair.

I cant even sleep with out you reminding me. right now all i smell is "that" smell. the dreaded vanilla...couldn't you of at least given me options? like strawberry or chocolate, but instead its vanilla...borrriinnng

Oh CF, your not boring you have great timing too, you know exactly when your not wanted and then as fast as you know it here you come...maybe a little sinus issues, some chest pain and when your feeling really awesome you give me a little blood in the sputum. How i love those. your so creative CF

I hate to say it CF but I'm looking forward to the day when i can be me....and just me. no offense i never really liked you anyway plus to be honest you cramp my style.

late night stuff

its funny because sometimes i suprise myelf and the things i know. I know what is right and what is wrong, i know what is selfish and what is selfless. I was never taught anything by anyone other then my parents. What was acceptable behavior as a young woman and as a friend. What to wear so people understand who you are and not what you wear. But at that same time i have been taught to be an individual that the only thing that defines a person is honestly that person. I can dress a certain way, talk a certain way but in the end its all me. my point is...dosent matter how hard you try, i can see through the fakeness you call your life. I see that smile is really a frown but someone told you to always look like everything is fine. your a fake. but so am I. See you fake how happy you are and me i fake that i actually care. Why would i care about you when all i am to you is a joke? you and i have nothing in common, you chose education, i chose life experiences. you chose convience i chose love. I have happieness and you my dear have the ugly truth looking at you everywhere you turn, you probably feel sorry for me thinking how pitiful it is im not you but honestly i wouldnt want to be you.

Now my mother taught me if you dont have anything nice to say then dont say anything at all. And unlike you i respect other and what they believe in

Thursday, October 8, 2009

BFB 09
Check it out! lets donate!!!!!

Sunday, September 27, 2009

very few things suprise me

I never can read anyone any more, the more i expect of someone the more i seem to be let down, and when i least expect it the most random people lift me back up. Those people are the people who take a minute to say Hi, or tell me something that's on there mind or some times its something i stumble across on there face book or my space makes me stop and think about my friendship with this person

In my life one thing I want to do is "touch" someone, I want to affect some one's life for the better. Make them feel that they have the possibility to touch someone else in a great way.

Another thing i had on my bucket list is a funny one but its not if you knew me. About 5 years ago one thing i wanted to do before i kicked the bucket was have lunch with my brother. Just him and I. Brother and Sister. And we did and that was so awesome to have his undivided attention and to connect with him on a whole new level that him and i never experienced. My brother is definitely one of my best friends. No body has a
better brother/friend as i have. I'm lucky that he doesn't resent me for the things i have put him through but instead we have bonded closer. He is my Big brother and my friend.

people have the ability to amaze you if you give them the chance. most the time you will be surprised.

I'll leave you with some pictures of my BFF Aaron
good night all,
tomorrow is another day with a new start and a new end <3

Sunday, September 20, 2009

Its been to long

 Its been to long, my apologizes.

a lot has happened but nothing at the same time, mostly the same thing different day.
I feel well, nothing great. I usually can wake up and do my daily activities which aren't a lot but it keeps me busy.

I try my best to wear by vest for at least 40min 2x a day. As we rattalin and a rollin. Its hard to type but it makes it fun.

I went on a cruise to Alaska, and that was so much fun! here are some pictures enjoy

Tuesday, August 18, 2009

First picture is my 3 week pill case's

I'm not sure about you but i hate making my pills up...its probably the one thing i hate to do with a passion. So i invested in 3 pill cases all a different color for a different week. I only have to do my pill case 1x every 3 weeks. it has really worked out well and i recommend it for anyone who struggles with the constant pill regimen us Cfer's do on a daily basis.

Sorry for the lack in updates. Im just coming off a week stay in the hospital. and after the week its taken almost another week to catch up on sleep.
 good night all

Wednesday, July 22, 2009

kinda personal

im ging to write something that many will not like but it is my opinion.
Cf and Death.

How your child handles Cf will be a big part of how you handle CF.
and i believe the same goes with Death.

let me tell you a story. I was diagnosed with Cystic fibrosis when i was 10. That was 10 years of my life that didnt have an "experation" date. Then 1 day that changed. My parents did an amazing job of not changing my life in any way other then the necessary treatment and appoitments. But when i was old engough to realize what the outcome of my disease was there was mixed feelings.
1st. why the hell didn't anyone tell me?!
2nd. not me.

My parents always taught me i wasnt the statistic. i was different.

So i live my life planning and hopeing for the future keeping that "number" in my head but not letting it consume my world... even though there are days when that "number" gets the best of me emotionaly i still continue my day to day life.

So i ask.. how can you raise a child and tell her tick tock? isn't that what we, as CF patients don't need to be reminded.

Then, to put yourself out there publicly and say things that honestly don't need to be said?! why? My heart hurts for this young lady who needs a support system to tell her she is strong and has a lot of living to do and she isn't a statistic, not a mother watching her clock tick tock.

Wednesday, July 15, 2009

Should i give up,
Or should i just keep chasing pavements?
Even if it leads nowhere,
Or would it be a waste?
Even If i knew my place should i leave it there?
Should i give up,
Or should i just keep chasing pavements?
Even if it leads nowhere
 - Adele

Thats a verse from a beautiful song called chasing pavements by Adele
for some reason that song speaks to me.
Do you give up? Do you keep trying even though you know it might lead you in the same place in the end.
beats me...i don't know if you keep chasing pavement or not.

Well another round of Iv's.
geesh im starting to forget what it feels like to be off iv's
it feels so normal now.

Friday, July 3, 2009

Started off 4th with a BANG!

let me set the story up...every time my parents leave town to get away something always happens.

Before my parents left to have a nice weekend getaway in Vegas {yay red rock} my brother and i assured my mother that she didn't need to go to the grocery store and we were very capable of getting bread and milk and other little things for the weekend.

Aaron got off work early, very unusual for a Friday but hey i wasn't going to complain. So Matthew Aaron and I head out to do our errands, go to the grocery store and then get some pizza come home and relax.

Well, as were on our way...having a great conversation. Aaron is Driving and Matthew is riding passenger and i in the back seat as normal..were cruising to our destination and Matt see's a truck that looks like it's going to run its stop sign...and then right their Aaron slams on the breaks and we hit this truck and we do a 180 spin around and hit a little embankment. I think we totaled the truck and did one hell of a number on the kids truck.

Thankfully we all walked away with nothing other then some shook up nerves and a little soreness.
He ran the stop sign.
19 years old and has only had his licence for 3 months.

poor pappy...we totaled his truck. {i think}

Sunday, June 21, 2009

to my pappy

happy fathers day to the man who i love so much. The best dad ever.

the only dad i know who gets excited when you show him those huge mucus plugs you coughed up

or tells you that if you poop it will make your head ache feel better.

says he will beat up any doctor if i asked him to.

Only person who will force feed me cause he wants to see me fat.

still at 22, tucks me into bed; mostly just to hook up my feeding machine for me. 

Will rub my head when i don't feel good. Even when he doesn't want to.

Stick up for me when my brother is picking on me.

Do anything to make me smile.

I don't think you can ever be to old to be a daddy's girl. And if you can I don't wanna grow up.

Happy Fathers day to the best dad, i love you so much and im glad that i get to celebrate with you. You always stood up for me and always have the right words when im feeling upset and always always gives the best hugs.
love you pappy

Monday, June 15, 2009


Jessica's  time with IV's finally ended after a long 39 days. Her ID Dr (infectious disease) allowed her to stop 3 days before the 6 week mark so that she could take a well deserved vacation. Vacation you ask? Yep... a Carnival 4 day Mexico Cruise. I had wanted to do a quick getaway with my 2 kids. Only they aren't kids anymore,young adults. I was worried about Jessica going on this cruise because it was not the warm weather we had hoped for. We never put shorts or the dreaded bathing suit on. I can only imagine what the cabin next to us thought when 2x a day they would here her breathing machine and Jessica's says that she really feels no huge improvement after that long on iv's but also felt going longer wouldn't make a difference either. Thats is so frustrating. It use to be that she would feels great after 3 weeks and now she really isn't getting much out of all that antibiotics. Another pain in the neck or finger if you will is that she is having a hard time getting on track for the diabetes testing. I feel strongly that if she would get this new adventure started it would make a difference in how tired she always feels. This is another journey she just isn't ready to start.So, lets hope she has a decent summer and can stay off the antibiotics for more than 2 months. I want my daughter to have some energy and some stamina and so that is why I have decided to bring up the CFRD.(cystic fibrosis related diabetes) Mom...this message was approved by Jess

Saturday, May 30, 2009

To my friend..

To the friend who has been there through thick and thin.
To the friend that always stood up.
To the friend who always can turn that frown upside down.
To the friend you think,  where would i be with out them?

To my friend, I love you. 
Your my best friend.

I think of our "younger" days i think of nothing but good times and i think of happiness.
Running "wild" and being free. the good old days.
Now are days are different; you with beautiful babies and me with doctor appointments. 
But together; we communicate and we support each other we care.
 So, to my friend...I couldn't ask for a better person to be my partner in crime. 
(figuratively speaking)

Monday, May 18, 2009

Ready to feel better

Jessica has been on home IV's for close to 3 weeks, and yet we don't see a huge improvement. So once again the CF Dr is going to consult with the Infectious Disease Dr. Please Dr's find the right combo of antibiotics to make my little brown eyed girl feel better. It was a friday filled with a yard sale that just wiped her out for the next 2 days she slept for almost 24 hrs straight. Throw in  some hard coughing and blood and a nervous mom and dad. Is this what Pneumonia does to a Cf patient or is it just Cf roaring its ugly head????? A question I would love to have answered. Feel better Jess....xoxoxox Mom

Tuesday, May 12, 2009

im not sure

Life is cruel.
no matter how you measure it up, its cruel.

cruel |ˈkroōəl|
adjective ( -eler, -elest; Brit. -eller , -ellest )
causing pain or suffering

Some say when you feel pain it reminds you that you are alive.

I'm not sure i agree.

The times i feel most alive generally don't involve pain.

Today for instance, i enjoyed abundantly the time today with my big cousin and brother.
and i think of others who might not ever have that feeling of mobbing down the freeway in the passenger seat thinking to your self "this is a good day" the reason its a good day is cause i feel good enough to get dressed and put on my make up without a nap in-between.

I enjoy every day that i can wake up and touch my feet to the cold floor.

I believe god does things for a reason, why he takes a child from there family i have yet to figure out and i honestly don't think i will ever know. It's not like these children are not loved and cared for. what reason does he have that is so important that couldn't wait?

Life is cruel.

Kayleigh walk with the angels, breathe easy sweet girl.


Monday, May 4, 2009

Great Strides

A big Thank You to those of you who came to San Dimas and walked or not walked. A bigger thanks to all the friends and family who donated. It means a lot to us that we have your support. Jesse's Gang is awesome. This was our 11th year with Great Strides and we hop you will continue to join us so that the Cure will be found.

Sunday, May 3, 2009

Acute Pneumonia

Once again, Im taking over the blog for Jessica. I have to say that I enjoyed her humorous blog posts while I was on Vacation. When I checked her blog from the cruise ship I was laughing out loud to her cookie and mojito. Anyone who knows Jessica knows that she goes no where with out her cookie...yes even at 22 she has to have that stuffed moose and that she is not a drinker, but who doesn't love a mojito? I know that when ever her dad and I are away she is well taken care of by all. Her fiance Matt and her older brother Aaron do a wonderful job to keep everything running smooth here at the Benson house. So, with that said let me begin. We came home last saturday to a clean house, Thanks kids. Hungry kids, Sorry I haven't taught you how to cook more for yourselves. Happy and excited dogs. Oh and  Pneumonia. Yep Jessica waited for me to get home for this one. LOL. This is a first for her, she woke up wed morning and was having a hard time breathing. ER here we come. I think they were nervous about her because of the CF they wanted to transport her by ambulance to her CF Dr. However they were able to stabilize her and get her started on some IV's.So this is a new one for her and she is feeling awful still. We will be calling her Dr's to discuss this with them. So, after a very relaxing vacation its back to real life. Thanks Jess for waiting for me to get home you know how I hate to be surprised. Love you....Mom

Monday, April 20, 2009

Day 3

Even Betsy is getting love from Matthew. Her tummy has been upset, very loud. but once Matt got here she perked up.

At the Benson House, we build cars, choppers, buggy's and anything else with wheels...but we just added jewelry. Aaron helped me with the metal parts and what not. 1 only have 1 done so far. here's some pictures
Angel wings cause the Tammy Cochran Song "angels in waiting" That's always been such an amazing song. It moves everyone to tears every time.

Also Stellan needs your prayers, The ablation surgery is tonight. It's a dangerous surgery for an infant. I'm not a religious person but please pray for Stellan he needs every ones prayers. Also tomorrow I'm going to wear orange for Stellan I think it will bring him good luck so please join me. 

Saturday, April 18, 2009

Day 1

I drink alone (not) that's a mojito my friend.
with my good friend cookie. you can always count on cookie. 

Well parents are officially on vacation. So needless to say I'm drinking and I'm hungry. It's going to be a loooonnng week.

Today I spent most the day sleeping, but that's not unusual. I feel like I'm on that bridge of being sick. but don't worry I'm fighting it off, with cookie and Mojito's hahaha

well its time to go in the spa. 

life isnt to bad with out parents...... so far.

Thursday, April 16, 2009

i hate

I don't know how to write what I feel, I have no clue how to make you understand the thoughts that are going through my head. I hate that feeling. 

I hate feeling like I'm the only one.

I hate feeling like I'm such a drag.

I hate feeling like I'm the oldest 22 year old i know

I hate feeling like I'm fighting a loosing battle.

I hate the smell of vanilla
I hate the feeling like all I do is complain.

Tuesday, April 14, 2009

my day's are fun

tomorrow i wake up early and go to pulmonary rehab. I enjoy going and making progress in my health the new beginning to a healthy me. Sometimes it feels like my life is consumed by my disease. Appointments blood work xray's rounds of IV's. My life is taking care of myself. 

Some people don't understand. Maybe they choose not to understand. I'm not your typical 22yr old. I can be if you give me the chance, i might walk a little slower and people might stare when i cough. But i cant control those things so why should you fault me for it? its hard enough emotionally knowing the statics's of my life. I have never been one of those people who are poor me, it's so awful being me blah blah blah. I think if you did know me you would see i'am the complete opposite. It hurts when people dont see me as Jessica, They see me as the girl with CF.

meet joey

 Joey meet my blogger friends

well what is sad is when your excited about a new feeding pump.
Go figure!
Its small and blue and pretty. all good in my book

ill try and post later tonight

Sunday, April 12, 2009

i have nothing to write

i have nothing to write. Nothing that is important anyway.
 so ill just show you some pictures

Remember when my mom hacked into my blog? 

Here are some pictures from the day.

I was tired by the end, can you tell?
Night all 


Wednesday, April 8, 2009

Here is my Great Strides Page. Please take a min and read what i wrote i think it turned out great this year. This is such an awful disease and living it every day makes me realize how special every day is. 65 roses is such a beautiful name for something that is so ugly.
 with love Jess

Tuesday, April 7, 2009

All is well

All is well with me, just another day doing what i do. Had a doctor appointment in Santa Clarita and it went very well. No changes in medication and the doctor was pleased to see i have maintained my weight. The plans are to continue taking excellent care of myself and hopefully make 6 months without another round of IV's. I'm having fun, being on no schedule and spending Monday Wednesday and Friday at pulmonary rehab with my new work out buddies. Please keep Stellan in your prayers, he is such a beautiful baby with such a true fighting spirit. He needs all the good thought he can get, I love reading MckMama, she is such an inspiration in every way. I hope someday I will have the wisdom she possess.

He who has hope has everything-Arabian Proverb

Tell me isn't the sweetest thing you have ever seen.

Monday, April 6, 2009

Here's a wonderful Picture of our day at Universal Studios. I spent the day with my family and it was a great day the weather was perfect! I enjoyed carrying Angel around even if it was only for 15 min. haha The rides were fun and it was a great time. 

Wednesday, March 25, 2009


Hello... this is Jessica's Mom. I thought I would hack her blog and leave her a message. Jessica, I hope you and Stacey and Darlene are having fun at Disneyland today. You should enjoy this day and have some fun. For all you other Cfer's you know what I'm talking about. Jessica has been on home Iv's for over 2 weeks with one more week to go. Her hospital stay was the worst ever, but in true Jessica style she just did what was necessary and was awesome. Jessica you make me so proud of how you handle your daily life with CF. I admire you so much and it makes my heart ache that I cant do more to help you with all the crap you do. Being hooked up to Iv's for close to 6 hrs a day and you don't complain at all you just thank me with that big smile and those gorgeous brown eyes.xoxoxo mom

Thursday, March 12, 2009

Attention everyone:

I would like for you to note... I'm not a human pin cushion.

I returned home from a planned tune up from the hospital. Usually we go straight to doing them at home but because we were using medicine we haven't used before my doctor decided to admit me for safety reasons. It was an awful experience. How many nurses does it take to access a port? answer is 3 oncology nurses 1 RN and finally. Dr. Dad. 

Yes. My father could access my port when 4 other qualified hospital staff could not manage to even get it in the correct spot. Why you ask i will tell. Because they don't listen to ME. I said i use a 3/4 in needle. They said No...the hospital doesn't carry one you must mean a 1 inch. No i tell them. Needless to say 4 tries at the port 1 temporary IV later Dr. Dad strolls in and gets it the first time and brings me the correct size needle. Funny thig is my Dad has done it maybe 3x before.

So I'm well medicine seems to be working glad to be home. Glad i had visitors and glad my Family & real friends called and txt'd me to make sure i was good. That means so much to me.

Moral of the story just because your at the hospital doesn't mean you will get the best care. Sometimes the best is at home. Good night all. <3

Thursday, March 5, 2009

Monday Monday Monday

Monday is the Day i shall be admitted to the hospital. I'm glad finally have a game plan to getting better. i'll post tomorrow. 

Wednesday, March 4, 2009

today i had my mom take some pictures of me and the monster, i was hoping to find a new picture for my Header. It went well, just crazy, loveable dogs. 

This is the one and only booger. He's so sweet but he can be a mess.

Tuesday, March 3, 2009

a phone call

I'm waiting for a phone call that's going to decide what the next step is. Maybe a trip into the hospital or maybe a round of IVs doing 3 antibiotics. That one phone call will decide my fate. My appointment on Monday went well, i expected to have an answer that day but now its not till wed maybe Friday. I'm hoping my CF culture will respond to something that iv done before but the chances of that happening are very slim. I'm just ready to feel better at whatever extent. I'm bummed there is a possibility i miss my field trip with my precious second graders, were going to the living desert and i want to go!!! so lets hope it will work out to where i can go. 

Tuesday, February 24, 2009


New floor!!! look isn't it beautiful!?! thanks daddy!!!
Today i spent most of my day putting my room together. After a long weekend of being my brother's roomie. I'm finally in my own bed in my own room. New floor new closet. My room looks so pretty. Still no call from the doctor I'm hoping tomorrow. But if not maybe no news is good news. I'm more anxious then anything I'm not good at waiting. I would rather no now and get it done with. Today I'm thinking about a sweet girl named Megan...she is such an amazing role model for everyone out there please keep her in your prayers she needs some extra help. I'm thinking of her and checking her caringbridge almost hourly. please stop on over there and give her some encouraging words. My thoughts are on how strong people are and how they truly amaze others, seeing so many beautiful faces dealing with so much literally brings me to tears. How can this disease that is so ugly be in the faces of such beautiful children or in such wonderful and beautiful families. If you know the answer to that please enlighten me. Good night all sweet dreams

Monday, February 23, 2009


New room is almost done. Daddy and Aaron spent some hard labor putting in hard wood floors. Were hoping that taking the carpet out and giving everything will maybe help with my breathing issues. it's a beautiful room. Aaron is letting me sleep in his room. I'm hoping to have my room 100% back together tomorrow. I'll post some pics so you see how talented the Benson boys are. Tomorrow i hope to hear fro my doctor about our plans for the is possible ill be admitted for up to 5 days. We are thinking maybe its time to try a new and super strong drug. So id like to just start feeling better. Also YAY for Megan who got her new lungs. I'm so happy for her and i know she is going to kick ass and take names with those new lungs. please keep all my CF family in your thoughts.

Wednesday, February 18, 2009

i lost

i lost a long time ago the ability to eat enough calories to keep my body healthy. I know its quite normal having cystic fibrosis but just saying that doesn't make it easier to live with. Knowing that a machine is doing such a simple job that i have lost the ability to do for myself is in some way demeaning. Knowing that with out that stupid machine clicking and clicking i probably wouldn't be where I'am at today. Losing that ability i also gained something; knowing when i need to put the pride and the anger for something i cant possibly change aside and do what's best for me. Thats all for tonight, i have to go hook up to the stupid machine and test my sugar, lets think low numbers. goodnight

Tuesday, February 17, 2009

Rainy Day Schedule

rainy day schedule makes me tired so i sleep a lot stay in my Pj's and that's what I'm doing lately. I had a doctor appointment on Monday but cancelled it because of the bad weather. driving from my house to Santa Clarita would have been a long drive so were putting it off until the weather gets better. Thursday is an appointment with my clinic and my doctor asked that Matthew take me, which is weird. i think he is in trouble. I have been monitoring my sugars and so far so good. I still cant get over stabbing myself with a needle i flinch every darn time. But what can you do? Im tired but not tired all at the same time. Its frustrating. life is frustrating at this moment. I guess ill just hang in there until the sun comes out and i can spend my days by the pool. good night all

Tuesday, February 10, 2009

Im thankful for

Friends. Friends who care enough about you to put you before them. Knowing that them having a cold could jeopardize my health. that's true friendship. I appreciate the people in my life that let me be "me" and not see the little things that i do that make me different. Being different isn't a bad thing. I enjoy being different. I enjoy the highlights of my week are Tuesday nights with the people i love the most and Thursday; volunteering helping 2nd graders do Math and English. Those are great days...not the normal days most 22 year old's are out drunk being stupid. Majority of girls my age don't want the same things I do. I want to have kids, own a house. Watch my brother get married and dance with him at his wedding. I want to be an Aunt. A Grandma too. I wanna live. And not the live like party like a rock star BS. I want real moments that mean something. I look forward to those moments. those are the things i dream of.
 good night all sweet dreams.

Monday, February 9, 2009

i owe you guys

I owe everyone some pictures, so here we go...

This is my Uncle Larry, bottom line, he is awesome.
Walking to the theater!
Look the phantom of the opera!
i hate doctor appointments!
I love him a lot.
My mom driving me home from another appointment, look at the bracelet!
long long day. rockin out on the way home from Doc appointment

Friday, February 6, 2009

Sugar Free in 09

have you ever known something was going to happen and when it did you still were in a state of shock? That's what I'm experiencing right at this moment. I have officially been diagnosed with CFRD. I saw it coming, i damn near looked straight at it a few times, but now the feeling is completely different. I'm angry! I'm angry at myself for drinking so much Cola and I'm angry cause testing your blood sugar 8-12x a day hurts and I'm angry that this is what I'm dealing with at 22. 
 end of pity party.

My Doctors goal is to have me on an insulin pump in 6 months and also a dexacom something or other. The appointment was not what i had expected so i didn't plan very well. I got some sweet diabetes testing stuff outta the whole deal though. Tomorrow I am going to have such a great day, im going to see Phantom of the Opera!! Just My mother Me and my Uncle. I'll try and get some pics for the bloggy.

here is a picture of Cookie, my moose. I know weird but this lil guy is the best he travels well and is compact...and he smells like vanilla. (cause of the tube feeding when they leak)

 p.s. anyone have any tips about this whole new chapter (CFRD) please let me know!

Tuesday, February 3, 2009


Hello everyone, I hope you all had a great weekend. I did it was quite, the parents went out of town so it was me and my Brother home alone. I think were odd children though because you would think when mom and dad are away the kids will come out and play; not us. We were bored outta our was very sad.
 Had a doctor appointment today it was the echo cardiogram. Unfortunately I do not know the results but was assured by the nurse it went well because the doctor didn't need to to be called in. So ill let you all know when i know
 good night

Thursday, January 29, 2009

quick update

just a quick update on my day, it started out super early, It was another trip to CF clinic which is in Panorama. It was a nice visit but mostly we decided that depending on what the echo cardiogram shows is going depend on how we treat how iv been feeling. One option is another bronch. I'm not completely freaked out but the bad thing is i have to be completely sedated cause the 1st time we tried i gave them all a scare and held my breath...silly me!!! ha ha
 well Matthew is on his way here and were going to go to dinner with some friends of ours.
I have pictures to post tonight!

Tuesday, January 27, 2009

I think i found my wedding location. Matthew, my Mother and I spent the day at the Wild Animal Park, we met with a wedding coordinator and sat down and talked numbers and i think its due-able. IM EXCITED!!! October of 2010.
 thats all the details im leaking so far...
   maybe in the coming days i'll disclose more....maybe
 goodnight all

Saturday, January 24, 2009

lets hope,

Lets hope for a good weekend, lots of rain and lots or warm blankets and hot chocolate.
 One thing about me is i have a weird blanket obsession. I have so many blankets i don't know where to keep them, nothing makes me feel better then a soft warm cozy hello kitty blanket...and when i feel really bad...any blanket is good. also my stuffed moose named cookie. Yes I'm 22years old and still have a stuff animal. but then again...I'm not a normal 22 year old
 ill post some pictures this weekend, i hope.
 goodnight all!

Thursday, January 22, 2009

just for you daddy

" I cannot think of any need in Childhood as strong as the need for a fathers protection
  - Sigmund Freud
"My Son is a son till he has a wife,But my daughter's my daughter all the days of her life"
    -Thomas Fuller

I'll always be a daddy's girl. I might take many different paths in life but 1 thing is true, he had my heart first and will always have my heart. forever.
 goodnight all

Tuesday, January 20, 2009


today as i celebrated my 22nd birthday so many things go through my mind. I remember when i was just so young and 22 seemed so old. I think of all my family iv grown up with and the ones who have recently came into my life. They all have such great significance in my life, everyone of them. I recently spent some time with my cousin Rob and his daughter Angel...she is a doll. I had a blast playing with her and i also got to ride a horse with her...which is a huge passion of mine and i got to share it with my baby cousin Angel. Any who, today is my birthday and i feel nothing ;Its just another day. Even though its according to my mom "my special day" Don't get me wrong it was good day i just don't feel like I have a whole lot to celebrate right now.I posted some pic's from my weekend. I will leave you with a quote, i believe it speaks a lot of honesty. So tell your family you love them. I love my family.
     enjoy everyone 
"Our most basic instinct is not for survival but for family. Most of us would give our own life for a survival of a family member, yet we lead our daily life too often as if we take our family for granted." -Paul Pearshallfg


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