Saturday, March 30, 2013

We always win

I'm in pain tonight. I can't get comfortable every position i lay in my lungs ache and throb. It's a dull pain but its enough of a reminder to make me lay awake.
I have been having a hard time lately. After spending my 26th birthday in the hospital for hompotysis. I haven't felt any better. I just feel stuck in between sick and sicker. Every day varies so much that it makes this so difficult to find happiness. I just feel defeated all the time. I get so tired just from the smallest tasks that everything becomes bigger then what it really is.
Cf is one hell of a disease. It can morph and change so has no mercy on you and especially others. It is ugly but only attacks the most beautiful people. Beautiful on the inside and out. It challenges our love and patience and our strength. But everything cf is...I'm more.
For every person who has fought the battle will tell you it's a battle after battle but no matter what the outcome is we all win with every smile and laugh we become the victorious ones never letting cf rule our world.

Just lil ol me

I have a tendency to talk to much. The quietness of a conversation makes me uneasy. I usually say to much and it's always the wrong thing to say.

I speak to fast when I should talk slow. I'm weak when I need to be strong. Fearless when I should have fear. Everything about me is inconstant with what I'm supposed to be. I smile when I should cry. And cry at my happiest moments.

The pain doesn't make me feel more alive it makes me more aware of the pain.

I'm fighting with my lungs and i'am loosing. They feel the need to rattle and roll when it's not necessary. And they seem to have collected new residents in MY lungs. Loads of mucus that likes to fly out at a whim so please be cautious when approaching me in a coughing fit. Those suckers are on a mission to escape.

My only joy this evening is bossy. He is the best cuddlier. Just him being here takes my mind off the tummy ache and nausea I'm feeling. Plus I'm not alone when he is here he is the definition of comfort.


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