Saturday, November 3, 2012

Forgive me

I go back and forth about posting certain things on my blog. This is one of those posts I write then delete. It's really honest. I just hope it's not to much emotion.

Take me back to the days when everything we did we did together. You and I grew up perfectly. You the older brother and me the proud baby sister. I adored you from the beginning and you could care less. We grew up ;we became your typical brother and sister. Bickering laughing teasing. Riding bikes playing soccer together.
I realize now looking back things all changed when I was diagnosed with cf. maybe because you felt like you had a different sister who had new needs. I still looked up to you for strength and support more then ever after that news.
Now 15 years after being diagnosed I see how you went from my big brother to my protector not because you wanted to but because that's what you had to do. Still to this day that responsibility is thrown on you. I'm sorry for the stress that causes you. I'm sorry for the strain it puts on your relationships. It's not your burden to carry. I will make a better effort of not letting my health effect you and your life. You deserve to have that stress and burden lifted off of you and I'm sorry for all these years leaning on you when I should of been standing on my own two feet.
I hope you forgive me for everything and one day truly understand the love and admiration I have for you not only as a human being but most importantly my big brother .

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