Thursday, December 29, 2011

Dear Megan

It breaks my heart to see the beautiful present Megan's mother sent me. I wish it was Megan who sent it. I wish there was no need for such a meaningful present.

I think it's common in our cf community to experience survivors guilt. I find it most difficult around major holidays.

I feel like I question my presence in this world when a beautiful soul like Megan was taken so soon and with so much life to live. So many things to accomplish.

I think I can say with confidence that there is no hurt like loosing someone you admire and who look up to and look to for strength.

Dear Megan,
Missed you more today then yesterday, how was your first Christmas in heaven? Did Jesus let you sit next to him at his big celebration? I bet you loved being so close to him and Christina. I couldn't imagine the hurt to not be at home for Christmas but in sure you got the best view of your god babies on Christmas morning! I think of you often...everyday. I wish as would of gotten the chance to meet and go out and dance all night.

I'm afraid Megan. I don't know how long I can keep watching others die from cf and watching others get weak. It's a true test of my strength. I wish this was all a bad dream but no matter how many times I wake up your never there. Megan I miss you but I find peace your in a place where you belong among other angels.
Xoxo Jessica

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